I love comedy. I think my sense of humor is broad and open minded enough to quantify it as a good representation of what America thinks is funny. Is that a little egotistical and self-fulfilling to say? Perhaps it is, but this is not the point. What I’m trying to explain is when I think something is funny; most people around me do too. What one would define as comedy does differ from person to person however, and I can tell a bad comedian from a good one. There are a few stand-up comedians I would like to roast on this blog, but I choose one from the spread of comedians I just plain don’t care for. (Jeff Dunham, you lucked out this time…) The man in question I’m choosing to destroy is Carlos Mencia.
I’ve been waiting a long, LONG time for this.
With such a laundry list of things I can start with I’ll start with the easiest one. He just isn’t funny! Seriously man, I get it. The whole dee dee dee thing is meant to be funny, but at least 25 times every bit/show? I’ll admit to giggling at this the first time, but I just got so overwhelmed by this one gag, it’s really how this slow disdain started. Plus, the whole racial comedy sketch show thing has been done. It’s been done by someone a lot funnier than Carlos Mencia that’s for god damned sure. (Look what you’ve subjected me to Dave Chappelle!)
*Sigh* We’ll never get Chappelle’s show back will we?
Secondly, he steals a whole lot of god damned material. I’m just going to title this the Holden Caulfield section, because this guy is a great big phony.
Let me finish!
First of all his name isn’t even Carlos, its god damned Ned. What the hell kind of name is Ned? For anybody, let alone a Mexican guy. By the way he’s not Mexican either, he’s Honduran. A tad bit of an oversight since he sure does use a lot of border hopping jokes, Mexican references, and that whole “Out the beaner” skit he boasted his Mexicanness. (I 100% doubt that this is a word.) So how am I supposed to take a guy who does all this stuff seriously? Just use your own name. Stage names sound stupid. Just ask John Cougar. (Today known as John Mellencamp*) But I digress. The matter at hand is really the bit and joke stealing. Plagiarism is a pretty serious crime. Ancient Romans KILLED YOU if you plagiarized works**. Now you just get ridiculed and socially outcasted. Pretty deservedly if you ask me. You may be saying to yourself, “Who are you to throw this serious accusation out? You’re just a kid blogging about someone who bothers you!” While this is true (I really don’t have the authority to throw it out) I can say that a lot of his material is oddly similar to other comedy greats. Don’t believe me? I’ll point you in the right direction.
George Carlin:
Bill Cosby:
Sam Kinison:
Dave Chappelle (long video: But it’s pretty pathetic):
(Thievery starts at 4:00)
That last one is really the icing on the cake. Not only did he steal every event in the stereotype Olympics, he stole them IN ORDER. Jesus tap dancing Christ. Granted, the DJs in the video do recall it from a different venue, but still. Dear God. I’m not even going to do a conclusion paragraph. I’ll just leave it at that.
Yeah, now’s better.
*Seriously what the HELL kind of name is John Cougar? You’re on my list assorted P.R departments.
**That sure would spice up some high school courses wouldn’t it?
Josh Gregoire Says: Carlos Mencia: LEAVE IT***
***At all costs if possible
Soccer
Soccer, also known to the rest of the world as football, (For convenience sake lets keep to soccer) is my third favorite sport on this earth. By now the reader might be asking, “Why the hell are you telling me about your 3rd favorite sport? Why not your favorite sport?” Excellent question. Let me give you a run down of my top 3.
My favorite is Hockey. While I was doomed to poor balance and grace at birth, I was gifted with a father who was passionate about college hockey. This passion, no surprise, passed on to his offspring. I came home from the hospital in a little baby sized UNH hockey sweatshirt. It’s documented in my baby book if you don’t believe me. From birth to age 6 I absorbed everything was to know about Hockey. I couldn’t tie my shoe, but I sure as hell could tell you who the leading scorer on the Boston Bruins was in 1997. (Jason Allison for the record) Alas, as soon as I put on skates, I couldn’t skate to save my life. So out goes the plan of playing hockey.
My second favorite is Football (the American kind). Something about men in pads and helmets beating the ever-loving out of each other tickled my fancy. So my thirst for testosterone filled violence was quenched quite handily with my first view of Football, so much so that I decided to play it. After a brief stint in mighty mites I thought my career was done. I returned with a reluctant vengeance my freshman year of high school to play for good old Manchester Central. I did well on the Freshman team, and was congratulated by being completely ignored my Sophomore year. After many thoughts of quitting the team and leaving my playing days behind me, I decided to stick it out for the next year. I returned the next year after putting in an iffy amount of work in the offseason. (I hate being sweaty) After everyone on the depth chart above me got injured it was my time to shine. Apparently I did something right because my coach decided to keep me starting the whole year. I even got an honorable mention for New Hampshire all-state. I returned senior year with the most work I’ve put into anything ever. I started every game and got on the New Hampshire second team all-state, missing first team by a single vote. (New Hampshire football coaches, you’re on my list too…)
This leads me to the subject of this essay, Soccer. That’s right. You read two paragraphs of my favorite sports just to get to the topic of my essay. But you read two paragraphs plus my leave it before this. You can’t just quit now? You’re not a quitter are you?
That’s the spirit.
Now that you have a taste for my favorite sports, I’ll tell you why soccer is the topic and not the other two. Soccer is basically ignored in the USA. It goes below golf on popularity. GOLF. Have you ever watched Golf? It’s like watching beige paint dry.
Hey it’s better than watching Furyk miss another putt.
Soccer is known around the world as “the beautiful game”. I can’t speak for the whole world, but I can see why they consider it beautiful. It takes a lot of skill and precision to make a soccer play come to fruition in the form of a goal. The biggest argument the fervent anti-soccer crowd makes is that the game is too slow. I can see why they say this. Soccer is a relatively slow game. It takes a pretty good attention span to follow it. Compared to the fast pace of other sports like football, hockey, and basketball, soccer to the average sports fan looks like molasses moving uphill. I’ll agree that soccer can be dreadfully slow, but nothing is more exciting and emotional than a goal. What would you rather watch, A lazy homerun ball or a pinpoint precise goal? Let me use video to assert this.
Exhibit A: Fernando Torres goal against Chelsea
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAvhee-XBFM&feature=related
Exhibit B: Vladimir Guerrero hitting a game winning homerun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRcbgZ4-VrU
Notice the emotion in soccer? The passion that no other sport can claim is what I love most about soccer. Nothing (well to me) can compare to a soccer rivalry. Sure I root for the red Sox and hate the Yankees, but I HATE Manchester United. I’ve never been pissed off at a group of people. I hate Everton too.
Liverpool FC forever!
As much as I love soccer I must go into the nitty gritty. Don’t you hate people who think their smarter than you just because of something unrelated? Unfortunately this is a pretty broad demographic of people I know who think if you don’t like soccer, you’re (somehow) less intelligent. It’s a shame that people like this give tame soccer fans a bad name. On the other side of the spectrum, there are people who are so anti-soccer they refuse to even recognize it as a sport. The thing I’m trying to get at is you need to keep an open mind or you’ll be blinded forever.
Nothing can capture the pure emotion that soccer has. I love it and it’s definitely a great sport that doesn’t get its fair share in the US. Luckily, soccer fans like myself are getting more access to English premiere League games, Spain’s La Liga, and Italien Serie A. Also American soccer is getting a lot better, and a lot more entertaining. I love this fantastic sport. I love everything about it. Nothing has ever coaxed a reaction out of me than watching a great game of soccer. It is one of my favorite sports, and deservedly so.
Josh Gregoire Says: Soccer: Take it
